Always have faith in yourself! Day 49
Aug 26, 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMouIeocL60

[Music]
guys look what we got today
we went from a 35 inch because remember
the story that we told you about Omar in
the car yeah so we got ourselves a 65
inch today how exciting
I'll actually be able to watch the TV
and be able to see it since I'm blind no
it will be nice though to have a big TV
in here and all the legal mess good
times that's all right
it all works anyways I just want to
check in with you guys and show you what
we got today okay so I'm checking in
with you guys because my husband came
home after buying our TV and so that he
needed to run toward rent so I never do
I not just jump in the car and go
together so that way I support you guys
are probably tired of hearing my kids
scream all the time
anyways I very well might as well just
go because I had nothing else better to
do what laundry so we jumped at the car
and we're going with him we'll see what
trouble he's gonna get himself into and
sorry I have shiny all over my lips I
put vaseline on my lips to try and help
them because they are like on fire
thanks to my picking sessions so anyways
I will check in with you guys a little
bit let you know what trouble he got
himself into so all he told me the
reason we were coming here is to get my
birthday gift since my birthday is
tomorrow
so that was sweet of him I don't know
exactly what he has in store but yeah
that was really sweet of them I was like
why are we going to Woodburn outlet mall
like what is the point in that we just
came here for the kids
he was like to get something I was like
get what and he's like to get your
birthday gift I was like oh
husband I hate having all this on my
lips um but anyways so we shall see what
he comes out with but and I will
definitely show you guys it is so packed
here though because everybody is here
for after art after school getting ready
for school so yeah anyways alright I
will check with you guys again I just
was letting you know what we are doing
and what we are doing here for everybody
okay we are home that was fun it was a
fun outing as I just thought my daughter
was not fall the bed my child wants to
give me a heart attack
really nice um update my lips are
getting better look at all because I
can't stop picking them
yes I'm looking at myself in them camera
um back up me so today was a fantastic
date again I'm really been having some
good good times so as I stated earlier
um tomorrow is my birthday so Ollie was
like well I gotta go and run some
errands and he's like do you want to go
or you know what's your choice and I was
like you know I let's go you know I'll
just tag along I didn't have anything
else to do today I had caught up on all
the laundry and so I was like let's just
go so we're driving and he gets on the
freeway and I'm like well where are you
going like where's your uh where's your
Audi where's your earring and he's like
well I got a run to UM what birds outlet
mall and I was like oh I was like well
okay what do you what are you gonna get
there which and that was kind of odd
because we were just there what a week
and a half ago two weeks ago something
like that when we bought the kids his
outfits so it was like okay that's a
little odd but alright and so we pull up
and I was like well what are you getting
here and he's like nothing and I'm like
oh okay and so then finally he kind of
lets me in a little bit and he's like
I'm here to get your birthday gift and
I'm like oh oh oh I like that I like the
timing of that and so um he went in and
he couldn't I knew then at that point I
pretty much knew what he was going for
we get our perfume well his cologne my
perfume from a perfume eeeh or parfum
yeah something something to that let's
see fragrance outlet okay maybe it's
changed
I think it's fragrance outlet now um so
I was like okay because I just got
through telling him that I had ran out
of both of my like absolute
most favorite perfume ever I just ran
out of both of them and so he got me one
mo last birthday I want to say he got me
one it's called white diamond him and my
Owenton got it and I love it don't get
me wrong I really do love it but I am
really sensitive to smell and so if it's
a certain type of smell it will set off
headaches like no other and so this one
has a really good fragrance but it's
something I almost have to like spray on
an item and like leave it on the item
for a couple of days and then be able to
wear it does that make sense so like if
I hang up a shirt and I spray it on the
shirt then I have to leave it for a
couple of days before I can actually
wear it because if I spray it and then I
wear it it's too fresh and it's just too
strong so I have that one but I don't
wear it very often because it's just
it's a very strong scent and so he told
me the other day cuz I asked him if I
can get from Bath and Body Works if I
can get some of the body spritz and he's
like well if you're needing you know
perfume let's get that you know for your
birthday I'll get that for your birthday
I was like cuz I know the one I like is
pretty spendy sometimes they have cells
going on and stuff so I was like okay
well we can you know take a look
whenever we get time like I'm not really
worried about it right now so that's
what he went out to go and do so he gets
in the car and he's all happy and so I'm
like oh what fun did you get and he goes
well I got me some colognes happy
birthday to you and I'm like and he's
like no I couldn't find the one that I
know you really like and so cuz there's
two that I really really like and I'll
show you here in a second but he
couldn't find either one at the outlet
so
it's right here sweetie it was it fell
behind your neck and so anyways he ended
up getting which I'll show you guys what
he got the ones that he found for
himself
oh yeah see they they have lots of
coupons like this one so he got a buy
one get one 50% off on his own I love
smelling the papers cuz they smell so
good from those stores but I can't
actually go into the store because the
smell is so strong in there I'm just
like whew but he got this one for
himself and that's what am i oh
my favorites for him I love it so that's
one that he got and then the other one
he got was a Hugo which that was that
one I think he's had that one before but
I honestly want to say that this one
which one hold on no this is the one he
was wearing in Egypt when I met him and
that's why he knows that this one is my
favorite for him because it takes me
back to the memories there's this one
and he's had this one before and this
one's another one that I really like so
he ended up finding himself too and he
got him
really good price I mean honestly for
both of them I mean they're both very
spendy but the way that the coupon
worked and stuff it ended up working out
really good so then from there we went
to Kohl's which we went back into Salem
at the mall and Kohl's usually carries
the perfumes that I like so he ended up
getting the one that I like he can only
find one of them he couldn't find the
other one I'm like honey it's fine
but he got me this one this is my
ultimate favorite favorite scent of them
all where's my scissors and so I like
this one and I don't know what the
purple bottle is but that's the one he
also was looking for so he's like no and
I'm like just
believe it you don't have to get it and
he's like you stop it you don't tell me
well I have to get you to get some like
oh my gosh I'm like one bottle is great
but got me this one and then he's like
well I'll just order online the other
one and I'm like you don't have to babe
I'm like it's fine so I don't know if he
I'm sure I know he will but I'm hoping
not anytime soon because I'm happy with
one bottle it's holy moly and this one's
huge cuz my other one was tiny it was
like like little little this was huge
but it's so key I love it I don't know
if it's look coast or Lacoste
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doesn't say I mean I think that's the
fragrant I don't know um but yeah I was
so excited when I seen him get it I was
like oh so excited so yes I got my
birthday gift from my honey and that's
always a way he knows to win my heart is
through my perfumes I know how to get to
my heart by a perfume so yeah that's
what I got from my honey bunny which
again like you said he's gonna order the
other one and I told him just don't even
worry about it like I'm totally cool
knowing him he will he'll probably order
it tonight just because that's him and
no no no no no right now here take this
back there take that so and if you hear
a noise it's my fan I seriously have to
turn my phone on because I am like so
hot and I do how many air conditioned on
but panel what and the world is my
problem I cooked hamburgers and fries
for the kids because they were wanting
and I'm like no no no no these are
cleaning like hold on okay anyways so
that's what we did for that part and
then um trying to think oh and then the
biggest gift Oh the biggest gift to mom
all I just you know randomly forgot
about um he also came home he left early
this morning I was like oh that's kind
of odd you know because of Saturday so I
wasn't expecting him to leave anywhere
but he took off so it's like okay well
maybe he had something to do and I
wasn't aware of and so he loved you know
when he came back he was like moving
stuff around on the the TV and I'm like
what is he doing
and lo and behold my husband he bought
me a 65 inch screen TV to make up for
the one that Omar broke because I have a
really hard time seen like my eyes are
really really really bad I had sensitive
eyes before I got pregnant with Omar but
after I got pregnant with him and I had
the sugar diabeetus it really ate my
eyes up like bad and to the point where
like if I don't have my glasses I can't
see like everything is just blurry and
it doesn't make out any type of light I
mean I have to have glasses on and so
watching a 35 inch screen TV quite far a
distance it's really hard and so when I
like and looking at the phone and then I
look up at the TV it takes me a good
probably two minutes to really like Reeb
wrote like re bring this the screen of
the TV back to view and then I can see
whatever it is that we're looking at but
it's straining us on my eyes and I
usually get pretty bad headaches so it
was a great surprise to see that he
bought me a big-screen TV I was so
excited I was like oh my god I was like
thank you so much I was not that for
sure I was not expecting because that
was just not in the cards for us for a
while but he knew it was something that
you know would definitely help me be
able to enjoy my shows and so it was a
nice feeling to be able to to watch that
or watch that see that come through my
door and be able to enjoy and be able to
enjoy my video she's in my shows with my
family and not be straining my eyeballs
just to be able to watch something small
and then see I talked to my mom for
about two hours roughly about two hours
and we had a really good conversation it
was a really good of conversation um she
she actually forgot my birthday and so
she I'm not putting this out here cuz I
know she hasn't watched these so I can
say it and I know she isn't gonna see it
it was it didn't hurt my feelings or
anything
it's a kind of whatever type of a thing
but she had said that she was gonna come
to town on Monday for my birthday and I
was like oh okay and I you know at first
I was just like oh okay think he and
that Monday you know would just be the
day that would work best and so anyways
then she says well you know cuz I think
would be really special to spend your
special day with you on your birthday
and I'm thinking no I think this is a
little I think she thinks it's on Monday
I said well what did you think my
birthday's huh and and she's like well
the 27th and I'm like oh okay
and she's like well isn't it and I'm
like I don't know is it just like Amy
and I'm like I don't know I don't know
is it she's like we'll see this is the
27th or the 28th I'm like okay I just go
along with it and I went on with this
for like 15 minutes with her and she was
getting so mad and she's like yes it the
twice out of his 20th and I'm like mom
my birthday's to 26 she's like no it's
not I'm like yeah it is she's like oh my
god how can I forget I was like I was
dying I was just like leave it to her
leave it to her but we were having a
conversation in that that same
conversation phone call and I don't even
know how we got on to the conversation
but it was basically talking about you
guys in a way and how I am so protective
about what I allow to rent space in my
mind anymore and rent space in my heart
and so as I was talking to her you know
because granite I have a huge family I
really do there's a lot tons of family
members but in reality I have the
smallest family
and when you think about it in that
aspect it means so much because I have
so many family members that truly I
don't consider family um for multiple
reasons partly some from you know my
childhood and things like that but also
because you know some family members
there's a time and a season for
everything and as I was explaining this
to her you know I told her I said you
know I was having a conversation with
one of my family members that I haven't
talked to for quite a while and this
person reached out to me and we were
just chit-chatting you know and kind of
just kind of surfacing catch up but not
like you know I'm very very protective
about what I share when it comes to like
my personal business okay hold on just a
minute Kay and so as we were talking and
stuff and I was just sharing with her a
little bit about you know what I've been
up to with you know the youtubes and how
I have seriously and sincerely found the
passion and I feel the calling that I'm
supposed to do on this earth and this
person said you know Amy it's so amazing
to me to sit back and really think when
you were a child how pretty much all of
us talking about like the family all of
us really okay can you please wait
please wait
okay I will get you a flavored water in
just a minute game that they they always
had the mindset that I was going to
mount to nothing I would always have to
have help from everybody that I would
never be able to successfully raise a
family or raise children of my own that
I wouldn't be able to be on my own you
know basically acting as though I would
probably have to be in like a group home
is how they raised me up to believe
that's how that's how they raised me is
to believe that I could no never never
succeed in life myself and I grew up to
believe that most of my life I grew up
to believe that I believed I could not
do anything I believe that the only way
that I knew I was not going to be able
to be capable of ever succeeding in life
and I believe that most all my life up
until I was the time when the person you
know had me leave her home and I had to
grow up I had to figure things out
because it was either that or I really
wouldn't have anywhere to go or figure
out the next step and so kind of being
pushed out of my comfort zone allowed me
to find reach in and find where my inner
strength was and so this person as I was
talking to her said you know I think
back about all the conversations we had
about how you would never mount up and
we always told you you know they you
would always need help and that you know
pretty much your
I pretty much at that point she says
well I have to stop and say something II
mean I said well what's that and she
says I personally want to apologize I
want to apologize because I labeled you
I labeled you as someone that would
never succeed that you would never have
your life together and she says and
watching your videos and seeing the
success not just in my videos but seeing
success in elsewhere she's like honestly
I can probably say that you are the one
that has most of your stuff together out
of all of us and as she said that it
meant it meant little to me and the
reason I say that is because one I don't
need confirmation of the success that I
have made in my life and I don't need
somebody to tell me how good I've been
doing in my life I know that I have done
good in my life I know that every day
when I wake up I strive to be the best
person that I can be in community as a
mother as a wife as a person that has a
YouTube channel that wants to do nothing
but reach positivity and support and
encouragement and friendship and all
these things because those are the
things that I want in life
and so when this person told me this it
was more of a clarification of I'm glad
that they can see that I'm glad that
they know that I'm doing good in life
and I'm glad that I'm able to shine my
colors of who I really am and that so
many people doubted me but I never
doubted myself I never stopped and told
myself I will never succeed I always
knew in my heart what I wanted to do I
always know in my heart what I had to
but it was the point of having to reach
in and pull that strength out to say you
know I can do it but III have to find
the tools and I did find the tools and
I'm still learning to find the tools but
it meant so much so as I was talking to
my mom today and I was telling her that
conversation and things I you know I
mentioned to her I said you know it's
come to the point where I before just a
few years ago I would put so much effort
into relationships and some of them were
dead in relationships but I still pushed
and I still plotted and I still did
everything I could to make relationships
work and I would stick my neck out there
and I'd get it snapped and I would stick
my neck out there and I'd get it snapped
and I did that multiple times I had my
heart broken multiple times and I
finally come to realize that the energy
that I was putting into dead-end
relationships or relationships that just
weren't healthy anymore bored was taking
so much of my time and my energy away
from what is most precious to me which
is my little family my husband my
children myself my home my now you know
now my new passion which is you guys and
so as I was telling her these things I
said you know I'm at the point in my
life where I put in as much effort as I
see come out of a relationship so if I
don't see any effort coming out from the
other person then it's a relationship
that I really don't have time for and
that goes for family members I I don't
have time for that anymore and you know
as I stopped putting so much effort into
it a lot of the relationships dwindle
down dwindled down and that's okay
that's totally okay I am NOT here to
push a relationship on anybody I've
learned to stop taking things so
personal in a sense of you know I would
allow heartache and rejection
and you know just the feeling of being
loved less I allowed it to rent so much
space in my mind in my heart in my life
my reality of life and I think I finally
came to a point where I just said you
know I can't do that anymore I can't you
know because all the energy that I put
towards all of this and all the amount
of space that was rented for all these
negative things was taking over so much
of my life that I didn't have much else
to give for the people that truly meant
everything to me
so as I started on this journey
forty-eight days ago that was one of the
things that I what I told myself the day
of that I made the first very first
video of my welcome video to my journey
while at the point it was weight-loss
journey and now it's in everything
journey because it's so many things more
like I've said but when I made that very
first video that day when I closed up
the video and I got thinking about the
the whole the whole thing that I was
talking about that was one of them the
things that came to my mind was I
personally have to step back and not
invest so much time on relationships
that just aren't gonna go anywhere you
know for people that doubted me and you
know looked down on me and said I wasn't
gonna make it I now know that they're
looking at me and saying wow she's come
this far when we thought she could
probably go to a group home and that's
the best that they gave me that's the
best support that they could give me was
that I would end up in a group home how
offensive that could be
how hurtful that could be but you know
what it's not it just goes to show that
I am so much more than that and I mean
so much more than that to other people
and I shared you know with my mom about
you know conversations that I've had
with you guys private conversations and
conversations that I've had on the you
know the comments and how I have built
so many amazing relationships and how
many new people are joining every single
day to join this amazing community of
women and men I don't only think I have
very many men if I even have any men
except for my husband but but the most
amazing people I couldn't ask for
anything more and every one of you guys
I see true journeys with I don't see a
dead end road I don't see a waste of
time I don't see wasted space taken
because of it it this is such a passion
to me I look so forward every day to
come on here and talk to you guys and
share then you know the new day of news
or the new day of thoughts you know it's
just something that I am so passionate
about and you know as I talked to her I
think she realized that I'm more than
she even gives me credit for I think she
really had to stop and think for a
minute Wow
that's my daughter that's the girl I
gave birth to august 26 not the 27th
28th but I mean you know I think it
really means so much to people that
really had a doubt in their mind at some
given time to see where I am today and
that I'm continuing to push forward and
I'm continuing to work on my mental
health and my physical
and wanting to become that better person
every single day there are days that I
struggle everybody struggles there's not
one day that somebody doesn't struggle
but it's how you handle it how do you
deal with that because are you gonna sit
and allow that day to run you and run
your emotions and run you physically or
are you gonna say you know what I'm
gonna get up I'm gonna take control of
today I'm gonna allow this to be a
learning tool and I'm not going to allow
it to own me or my actions but I'm gonna
show it that I'm better than that and
that's what I do every day because if it
wasn't for that I would not be where I
am today 48 days ago I would still be in
the same rut as I was 48 days ago so
that was really amazing now to get on to
the good news the wind a news I will
insert it here so this week I am down
another pound and I will take it because
you know as I stood there on the the
scale My Mind's going a little sleep
right now when I stood on the scale I
heard it say you know one pound down and
I was like uh but then I had to stop and
remember I've been bloated I definitely
have had a few days of my comfort
running to food did I allow it to
control me no now I got back up and I
continued to go on and I do every single
day get back up and go on I brushed my
knees off I didn't allow it to control
me I didn't allow it to take over and I
accepted what happened I learned from it
and I moved on from it I did not allow
it to bring me down to the point where I
just was gonna give up but I am down a
pound and I'm I couldn't be more happier
it's a pound down and not a pound up and
I at least lost something and didn't
stay the same so that was a really good
feeling I was really proud that I seen
that number um I was gonna say something
oh um I said I was gonna do the bite
today but it needed to be maintenance to
thanks to me son he hit a button because
my bike is like electronic so he hit a
button and I could not get the pedals to
go so we had to find the book which was
deep down and my husband's work stuff
and he had to go in and reset some stuff
so by the time we were done and then
went to the the mall and all of that it
just got late so excuses excuses no but
I still got up and I cleaned and I did
that type of stuff I didn't record it
because again I was doing it quickly I
was cooking dinner at the same time and
I know you guys wanted to see all that
but I wasn't covered and I was just like
darn it I've already in the middle of it
what the heck am I thinking but but
here's the thing I am going to strive to
start doing much more of that I hear
that that is what you guys want to see
is some of my cleaning videos and some
of my workout videos and just Dave
things that I'm doing so I am gonna
strive to start working much harder on
that and keeping things more closer to
me so that I can start being able to
jump on and jump off jump on jump off
and show you things throughout the day
that I'm doing so any boo that was my
day I think that concluded it tomorrow
is my birthday so I will check in with
you guys and let you know I don't know
if there's really anything in store
tomorrow I have no idea what the plans
are but if anything happens exciting
I will check in with you guys and let
you guys know what's going on I hope you
guys had a wonderful day to day and I
will talk to you guys tomorrow bye so
here it is you guys I just wanted to
show you my diffuser it's so like
so calming and relaxing and I have
lavender in it right now and I just
that's where I'm videoing honey back up
right yeah come come behind me but just
you know let's out a good amount of mist
I don't know if you guys can totally see
it I'm sure with the light it's just I
love it I couldn't be more happy
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